i pledge my allegiance to the ovaltine

It all started with Gilmore Girls. How could something so so simple, so innocent breed something so tawdry? The quirky and eccentric Lorelei brings her lovable and brainy teenage daughter Rory a pick-me-up cup of half Ovaltine half coffee and suddenly I’m hauled up in my apartment snorting the powdered malt beverage through a straw and selling my furniture to buy more of the stuff.

I am, of course, exaggerating. Yes, I love Ovaltine. Yes, I was inspired to drink it by an episode of Gilmore Girls. Yes, I drink a lot of it. But the heroin-chic image I created was merely a rhetorical device I used to make Ovaltine seem undeniably appealing and thus right a terrible wrong…

I have heard a lot of misguided grumblings from folks about how the very concept of Ovaltine is appalling and that these poor unfortunate souls will not so much as daine to try the stuff. But I ask you, good people of the internet, who doesn’t like Maltesers? Hmmm? Or Whoppers? The answer is nobody.

The good news about Ovaltine is that it tastes shockingly like the aforementioned much-loved confections. So go forth and drink some Ovaltine. Drink it down. All the way down.

Wrong righted. I will now celebrate with a cup of…(say it will me now)…OVALTINE.


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2 responses to “i pledge my allegiance to the ovaltine

  1. Tor

    Kyle doesn’t like Maltesers. It’s a devastatingly sad fact as I love them.

  2. I’ve never heard of such a person. I thought they only existed in myth.

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